On the Run

I felt like I was "on the run" all weekend; but, it also felt like it was a good race...

My friend was celebrating her professor tenureship; praising God for showing her how He was at work throughout the whole process.  (And she provided some authentic Kenyan food :-) )   My other friend also had her first DMA violin recital.   It was encouraging to hear how well it went, and how clearly we can see God at work through her whole process as well to get to that point.

At Church, I was encouraged by those who were happy that I was running the projector for Good Friday service.  The music director even mentioned that the choir may have even given a round of applause.   How neat to feel appreciated for and to succeed in something that I really do try to do well and pay attention to detail in.  I know that any mistake on running the Audio-Visual can affect the service; so, each time before I start, I do offer a prayer to the Lord that all may go smoothly.

Then, in class, we were once again reminded that God can use various people in surprising ways; and also that, He only expects us to do what we are able to do, and He will take care of the rest.

Last night, we celebrated my Dad's birthday.   My family called my dishes mainly Asian Fusion.  Following is what we had:

• Shrimp cocktail for Appetizer
• Vegetable soup (Zucchini, Tomato, Cilantro, Green Onions)
• Fish claypot (Fish, Bok Choy, Carrots, Mushrooms)
• Tofu and Green Beans 
• Sweet and Sour Chicken
• Sesame Ginger Chicken
• Beef with Broccolli
• Lemon Cheesecake Tart, Strawberries, and Ice Cream for dessert

Time

What stood out for me in the section on Time from "Finding the Life You've Been Looking For" by Norm Wright, was the perspective that Time is a commodity that is given to us each day; and by the end of the day, it's all gone and we can no longer get it back for that day.   This makes the following passage from Ephesians 5:15-16 even more meaningful:
"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil."

What encourages me as I evaluate my own use of time is that I think I'm fairly well balanced between time for WORK, OTHERS, and SELF.  But, if I were to choose to change anything, it might be in trying to invest even a little more time in OTHERS than I do already.

Contentment

There are times when it seems so clear that God is speaking to me, and last night during devotions, that was the case.   I had thanked God for all that He has done for me and given to me; and I had just finished praying about my sense of dissatisfaction and slight discontent, despite being so blessed.  And THEN, the devotional passage in "The Strength of Character" by Chuck Swindoll, directly addressed the area of contentment.  It said that "society's plan of attack is to create dissatisfaction, to convince us that we must be in a constant pursuit for something 'out there' that is sure to bring us happiness.  When you reduce that lie to its lowest level, it is saying that contentment is impossible without striving for more.  God's Word offers the exact opposite advice:  Contentment is possible when we stop striving for more."

I need to just evaluate what the true values in life are and to find my contentment in the LORD.   If there is something that I need to pursue, I trust that God will show me.  But, otherwise, I will rest in HIM and be content in that.

Isaiah 55:11

"So is My Word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."  (Isaiah 55:11)

This is the verse that motivates me to faithfully continue to teach my class Bible Study.  This assures me that God will use His Word for His Purposes.

As I've been continuing to read "Finding the Life You've Been Looking For" and answer the Reflection questions, I would say that fulfillment for me comes from knowing that I am being effectively used by God for His Work.   When I evaluate my life, I do see that I am using my spiritual gifts - Teaching, Giving, and Helps.   And it is not surprising that the areas of service where I am using my gifts are the ones in which I currently find the most fulfillment.  Recently, He has even used me in areas of Encouragement or Exhortation.

So, why is there a part of me that feels a little dissatisfied?    From answering the Reflection questions, I think that even though I already do have meaningful areas of serving, I feel like I could be dreaming even Bigger Dreams for God.   What I am currently doing may have been at other points in my life above and beyond what I might have imagined; but now, I am ready for more of God's Vision.

One Step at a Time

Navigating through the path of life is done one step at a time.   I am encouraged that I am moving in the right direction; and I hope that I might even be gaining momentum. 

God has clearly given me the message that self-control and discipline are important character traits.   This has been the area of focus in my devotional this past week from "The Strength of Character - 7 Essential Traits of a Remarkable Life" by Charles R Swindoll; I've encountered it in various books and verses, and I've heard it in messages.   While I've always considered myself a fairly disciplined and self-controlled person; it has actually been an encouragement.    It gives me the extra motivation and jump start when I need it for starting my Bible Study preparation, for areas I don't feel motivated to work on, or for dealing with health challenges.

This weekend was actually quietly encouraging.  There were no exciting shout-from-the mountaintop type moments, but, it was a cumulation of small special moments:
I had the time to send off a card to my friend to encourage her for her first recital for her doctoral program.
I was able to put together a Birthday gift and write a card for a friend, who was encouraged by it;
We were able to share with each other and laugh over some things going on in our lives;
We were able to go to dinner theater at church, where the message was that we should be open to how God chooses to use us in all different circumstances.
I was able exercise both days.
One person bought a book for me on the Great Pianists.
I was able to talk to one of the people I had "spoken the truth in love" with, and God affirmed that it was the right thing to do.
One person I was concerned about came back to class on Sunday, and had even sent me a thank you email.

My prayer is that God will continue to use me for His Work; that I may touch the lives of those around me and point them to God; and that He may continue to mold me, form me, and develop me into the person He wants me to be.

Thoughts about Work

"There's no one who can do what you do."   That's what my previous manager had said to me; and that was an assurance that gave me much encouragement and one that I'll probably never forget.  As I ponder these difficult economic times and the uncertainty and insecurity of jobs these days, I certainly hope that what my manager had said still holds true and that my current management recognizes it also.

While I've never felt indispensable, I can see how that statement can be considered to be true when I look around the organization.  Most people in my organization are either extremely technical or are just purely management.   The projects that I manage require a blend of both, since they require knowledge and background enough to work with the various technical teams, do reviews, make decisions related to resolving issues, etc; but, they also require administration skills to track all the various tasks, run the meetings, bring all the groups together to work as one team, manage documentation, etc.

While there are those who have tried to manage projects like these, I was the one to formalize the process and incorporate all the various pieces effectively.   Others would tend to focus only on their areas of strength and work within their comfort level; which would often leave other areas unattended and unfinished.  From feedback I've gotten, I do think that I've been able to establish myself as an effective and thorough project manager; and have gained the respect of those I work with.   So, I do hope that is enough for my management to regard my contributions as valuable to the organization.

No matter what.  I am grateful that God is always here for me no matter what happens.  I entrust my future totally into His Hands; and I rest in that thought.

Clouds Clearing

Today, the overhanging "clouds" seem to be less dark, less ready to just open up and pour down rain upon me.  The "unease" that I've been feeling is starting to let up a bit.  The reason, of course, is the Light that is shining through the clouds.   I've had the privilege of spending some quiet time in prayer to the LORD, and I can sense His Presence and feel that He is at work.

This week, He has clearly reinforced the message of how important it is to speak the truth in love.   He's brought it to mind, I've heard it in community group, I've read it...   To me, it is clear that this is a lesson He wanted me to learn; and I do see the benefit of doing so.   I just hope that if I am ever again faced with the need to confront, I will be able to speak the truth lovingly and effectively.

I've also been able to make progress on my "To Do" list.   It's a good feeling to check off tasks that have been continually in the back of my mind.

And, I've started reading "Finding the Life You've Been Looking For - The Surprising Power of Simple Living" by H. Norman Wright.  So far, it's a reminder of the importance of balance, particularly not letting technology complicate and control our lives so much.   I think I do fairly well in maintaining balance; and it's encouraging to reinforce that through what I am reading.

Lessons from Judges 3

I didn't know what to expect from the study in Judges 3, since it was a narrative that didn't really contain any famous Bible characters or stories, nor any deep theological doctrines.   I don't even think I've heard of the first three judges:  Othniel, Ehud, or Shamgar, prior to this series. Yet, as is often the case, after finishing the preparation for the study, I find that there are some pretty important insights to be gleaned, which are applicable to our lives today.

So, the beginning of the chapter could help us to view the "testing" in our lives in different ways.  Not only can testing be part of God's discipline and judgment for our sins; but, it can also be used to teach us, that we may learn what we might need for the future.   The testing is also an opportunity for us to prove our obedience and faithfulness to God, like a refinement process.

Then, as we see the Israelite's cycle of disobedience, we could learn to avoid falling into a cycle of sin by learning from their experience and pattern.   From the passage, we see how important it is not to "forget the LORD", that is, to remember His faithfulness, His power, His hatred of sin, His covenant, etc.  It is important to share of His goodness from generation to generation; to turn to Him for help first, instead of waiting till He is our "last resort"; and not to yield to the temptations of the false "idols".   The gory details of how Ehud defeated the Moabite King show the ugliness of sin's consequences; but, also show the realistic truth of Scripture and what it takes to deliver and save.

Also in this passage, we see that those God uses for His work may have unusual or uncommon abilities - Ehud being left-handed and Shamgar using an oxgoad to defeat the Philistines.   This shows that it is by the power of God that we have victory; and God can effectively use whomever He chooses in ways that we may not expect.

Insight

I've gained some insights leading to growth, and it's encouraging.

I again started reading the book, "Stress Fractures - Biblical Splints for Everyday Pressures" by Charles R Swindoll.  There was one particular chapter in which he gave "A Special Word for Women", since many women not only face the regular stresses of life that come with family, motherhood, etc; but also are faced with different perspectives on the roles and value of women based on conflicting views from the world, in church, etc.   In the chapter, it was emphasized that women of God in the Scriptures were balanced in areas of knowledge of God and the Word, are valuable and gifted and not overly dependent on anyone, and have the Lord as their strength and refuge.

From this, I can see how God has developed me in these areas through my singleness.   In learning fully that His Grace is sufficient for me, I have developed my knowledge of Him and of Scripture, am independent, and have my strength in the LORD.

Interestingly, this has also helped me to gain some insight into some of the issues I've had to deal with.   I knew that I had to learn to communicate better; and what I've come to realize is that, I cannot assume that others have developed the same abilities and dependence on God that I have.   That there are some who are not equipped to deal with the stresses in their lives.  And instead of just letting them fend for themselves even when they have approached it the wrong way, taken advantage of others, and shown lack of character; it might help to clearly communicate what can be done instead and to offer suggestions.  Also, it is important to communicate the limits and the issues, so that there is no misunderstanding.   I don't think it helps to be too easy on them, while hiding what I think they may not want to hear; since, in the long run, it is better for them to know the truth; than to not know what really happened.  Communicating the truth clearly in a loving manner, even if it may hurt, is important.

God is Faithful

This Sunday's passage in Judges 2 was a clear reminder of God's faithfulness, in spite of His People's unfaithfulness.  In vs 1-2, "The angel of the LORD went up from Gilgal to Bokim and said, "I brought you up out of Egypt and led you into the land that I swore to give to your forefathers. I said, 'I will never break my covenant with you, and you shall not make a covenant with the people of this land, but you shall break down their altars.' Yet you have disobeyed me. Why have you done this?"

What a comfort to know that God will always be faithful to His promises and to the covenant, that He will be our God.  But, the question at the end of vs 2 "Why have you done this?"  seems to express the hurt in the heart of God by the broken covenant relationship; and probably some of His anger towards sin.  By analogy to the marriage relationship, it is like a spouse confronting the unfaithful and adulterous spouse and asking "Why have you done this?"  

I ask forgiveness for breaking the heart of God and for causing Him pain through my sin and unfaithfulness.  I pray that I will be as faithful as I can be; and that I will love Him, just as He loves me so greatly.

Uneasiness

If I were to pick a word to best describe how I am feeling overall, it would be:  UNEASY.   While, fortunately, nothing has yet reached disastrous proportions, yet, I have this constant sense of uneasiness hanging overhead like a cloud.

When I think about it, I would say that this is caused by a growing "TO DO" list, as well as wondering about whether there is something else I should to be doing to correct past issues or to help more of those in need.  How did I get to this point?   I would say it started with lack of energy and motivation; and partially a sense of being a little overwhelmed.  And then there is that feeling of lacking wisdom to know what's the best thing to do.    Well, the answer, of course, to the last part is to pray.   Didn't God say, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, Who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."  (James 1:5)?   And, one of the answers to the first part is also to pray.   I have been asking God to help me when I feel overwhelmed, and when I lack motivation.   I do what I need to do, and maybe that's good enough.  After all, finishing the race is done one step at a time.

At this point, I've determined that there is nothing much I can do to "fix" the particular past issues that are bothering me.  I have prayed that God would show me if He thinks otherwise.  As for my "TO DO" list, I did make one out this week, and I feel like I'm addressing them as I can.  I'm going to just prioritize and approach each one task at a time; trusting God to help me get through them all.  And, in all the other areas of my life, may God grant me wisdom to make right decisions.  Amen.

Leadership (cont.)

I finished reading "Developing the Leader Within You." by John Maxwell.   The book has a lot of useful and relevant information.  Based on the essential characteristics of leaders included in the book, my understanding of what makes a good leader has actually changed.   I realized that my earlier perception was that only those who were born with leadership qualities and charisma would make good leaders; but, I now can see that leaders truly can be developed and leadership essentials can be learned.

So, the great "lightbulb" experience for me, from reading this book, was to realize that I am actually a better leader than I thought.   I knew that I didn't possess charisma nor do I naturally command attention; but, while those can help, they are not the only things that can make a good leader.  According to the book, the following important leadership areas were covered:

• The Definition of Leadership:  INFLUENCE
• The Key to Leadership:  PRIORITIES
• The Most Important Ingredient of Leadership:  INTEGRITY
• The Ultimate Test of Leadership:  CREATING POSITIVE CHANGE
• The Quickest Way to Gain Leadership:  PROBLEM-SOLVING
• The Extra Plus in Leadership:  ATTITUDE
• Developing Your Most Appreciable Asset:  PEOPLE
• The Indispensible Quality of Leadership:  VISION
• The Price Tag of Leadership:  SELF-DISCIPLINE
• The Most Important Lesson of Leadership:  STAFF DEVELOPMENT

 I find that by just living my life as a Christian, the way God would have me live it, already provides a good foundation for leadership.  Integrity, seeing God's perspective in all situations good and bad, caring about others, finding God's Vision, exhibiting Fruits of the Spirit like self-control, etc. are all part of the Christian walk.   Then, when I add to that, my abilities to organize, recognize & set priorities, and to solve problems, plus the experiences that I have had over the years in leading, this helps explain why I've been able to fulfill my leadership responsibilities thus far fairly well, despite not feeling like a leader myself.

Now that a "light" has been turned on, and I recognize that I should stop hiding behind my lack of confidence in being a leader, maybe this will help me to become an even better leader.   So, ongoing, maybe I'll be able to embrace opportunities to lead, rather than taking them on hesitantly as I have in the past.   I still have much to learn; but, at least now, I have concrete areas to focus on; and my personal attitude and confidence has changed.

Mistakes

Recently, I had read something to the effect of:  "Mistakes are only devastating if we don't learn from them".   Is that true?

In some respects, it is; and in others, it's not.   There are some mistakes that have truly devastating consequences, and even if we learn from them, the results remain, some possibly for a lifetime.  Fortunately, I don't think I've made those kinds of mistakes.   So, I think the phrase applies to "minor" mistakes, ones that we can sort of afford to make and learn from.  I could make similar analogies to taking risks.   There are some risks worth taking; but, there are some that aren't.   So, the risks worth taking mean that we may fail; but, there is also a good chance that we will succeed and the rewards are worthwhile.

So, mistakes we make, by choice, as a result of taking a risk is okay, if it was a calculated risk.  We can learn from those, chalk it up to experience, and move on.  In some cases, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, mistakes can actually turn out to well, maybe even a "blessing in disguise".

But, mistakes made inadvertantly are a different matter.  We didn't have a choice.  We didn't expect it nor intend it.   Since I'm generally a very careful person who can be characterized as risk-adverse, then, these are the kind of mistakes that I'm more prone to make.  I just made a blunder yesterday, and didn't even realize it until after the fact.  It happened so quickly, and the person affected seemed to gloss over it, that I don't think it's even wise to bring it up again in order to apologize.  Revisiting would seem to be more awkward than continuing the presumption that it was not intended.  I just hope I'm making the right decision.   But, more than that, I hope that I've learned enough that I won't make the same mistake again, accidentally or not.

This reminds me to be grateful for Mercy and Grace; for with our human sinful natures, we do often fall and make mistakes.   But, thankfully, my God is faithful to pick us up and restore us.

Iron Chariots

Joshua had said to the Israelites "[Y]ou shall drive out the Canaanites, even though they have chariots of iron and though they are strong" (Joshua 17:18b).  Yet in Judges 1:19, it said, "Now the LORD was with Judah, and they took possession of the hill country; BUT they could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley because they had iron chariots."

What happened?  It would appear that the people let their fears overcome their trust in God's promises.  This is a reminder that we need to remember that God is Able, and that even though we are faced with challenges, we can trust in His promises to help us through and to deliver.

I praise God and am looking forward to what He will teach us through this "Judges - God Delivers" series.  Already, it has exceeded my expectations in what nuggets of truth it contains, displaying God's faithfulness to His promises, His plan of salvation to include the Gentiles as well, and His deliverance.

"The Tailor's Daughter"

I've been reading "The Tailor's Daughter" by Samantha Standish.  It's a wonderful story of a woman who "flourished under harsh conditions", and touched the lives of others with her goodness of heart.  As the book pointed out "One who has not suffered finds no fertile ground for compassion....It was the tragedies, the suffering that had made..a better person...to understand many perspectives."   It was so heart-warming to see main character's steadfastness, humility, and hard work result in well-deserved successful returns.  She "persevered and conquered every adversity".

It is stories like this that encourage me to stand firm and to continue to be faithful, with the hope that God blesses the righteous who are faithful and kind.  I'm also motivated to consider how I can be more industrious, bringing to mind the example of the Proverbs 31 woman as well.

Another Olympics Completed

Well, the Vancouver Winter Olympics have come to a close.   For two weeks, it provided us with excitement, motivation, heartbreak, and a broad spectrum of emotions.   Much-deserved congratulations to all athletes who were able to meet their Olympic goals; but, also thanks for the efforts of even those who met disappointment instead.  I especially applaud those who exhibited the characteristics of good sportsmanship and worthy championship.

In the closing ceremonies, it was interesting to see the contrast between the casual pop-culture program in Vancouver and the serious classical-culture program of the next Winter Games in Sochi, Russia.  I do wonder what it will be like 4 years from now.   It seems like a long time away; but, I'm sure that there are many who are already preparing to fulfill their Olympic dreams in 2014.

Yesterday, I also concluded the "Colossians - Being in Christ" study in my class.  The analogy of the Christian life to that of an athlete fits well - being part of the "team" of believers in the Body of Christ; representing the Kingdom of God, of which Christ is King; staying connected to our source of strength and life; not allowing anything to disqualify us for the prize or reward; setting our hearts and minds on the "goal"; and being devoted to prayer, knowing that it takes more than just our own preparation and hard work.