Below the Surface

On the surface, I'd like to think that I portray an image that is consistent with what's "below the surface"; for the characteristics of integrity, sincerity, and honesty are important to me.   However, I recognize that, as in nature, the iceberg below the water surface may include a lot more than what can be seen above the surface.  The content and matter may be the same above and below  (that's the integrity and consistency part); but, it makes sense that only a few closest to me catch a glimpse of the mass below.

Above the surface, I think that people would be able to see that my life is built on the solid foundation of my faith, and that I am responsible, disciplined, and self-controlled.   I hope that they can see the joy of Christ radiated in my life, my compassion, and my desire to walk in wisdom.  And that, as a result, I am able to serve faithfully, that I am reliable and trustworthy, and maintain proper balance between career, family and friends, church, etc.

Below the surface, I am still all those things:  life built on solid foundation of faith, responsible, disciplined, self-controlled, generally joyful, compassionate, balanced, etc.    However, from doing the health evaluation survey I took today from my healthcare provider, I can see that the outcome displayed on the surface does not reveal the full picture of the struggles that I overcome below the surface.   For example, while I have served faithfully in teaching class and am prepared every Sunday, few have actually seen the discipline and time I have put into the preparation during the week and the effort in overcoming insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, occasional lack of motivation, challenges of time and energy management, etc.  Or while I generally maintain a healthy weight, few see the challenges I face or the work I put into trying to eat right and exercise regularly.  There are those who see that I have a good career and work environment, but don't see the stresses and politics that I have to handle.

Similar to the lyrics in Twila Paris'  "Warrior is a Child", while I do wear the armour of God, deep inside, the warrior IS a child, who has often had to "[run] home when I fall down", and  experience God "[picking] me up when no one is around".