Easter '09

It just hit me that what I've been describing with my challenges this past month, is just what my pastor talked about on the "road to hope". It is so true that when life gets me down, I just need to cling to hope. And my hope is in Christ my LORD! With Easter coming, what better reminder of that HOPE - of God's great LOVE for me on the cross, HIS power through the resurrection, and my hope of glory in eternity through faith in Jesus Christ.

Stuck

I feel like I'm trying to spin the wheels but am not going anywhere. I'm stuck. This was bound to happen, wasn't it? If I overexert myself, why should I be surprised when I don't have the energy to get up again, after I come crashing down? I suppose I should have tried to do more to avoid crashing down; but, I'm not sure what else I could've done. And, I'm trying not to stay down; but, it really is hard. I just barely have enough energy to take care of my normal obligations - work, preparing for Sunday class, preparing for Community Group Bible Study, cooking, running errands, taking care of things around the house, etc. Oh, and I can already see the new mountain I will need to climb next. Jury duty is coming up, Easter, family get togethers, another guest, class potluck, and so on. In the back of my mind, I'm trying to figure out what I can do regarding my estranged friend, to show that I'm still here if she ever needed me; My "thorn" has been bothering me more than ever; and, I just feel like my tanks are empty. However, when I step out and realistically look at the situation, I have to be grateful for all that God has blessed me with. While I recognize that it makes sense that I need time to renew my energy, I'm not going to let my emotions overwhelm me. I'm going to keep doing what I need to do; and I'm going to keep seeking the LORD for strength to carry on. Hopefully, someone will come alongside me and help me get "unstuck".

Tired Out

That's how I feel - tired out, exhausted, spent. I guess "climbing mountains" can do that to a person. I made it back down and I just want to flop on the ground and rest. I'm in that burnt out mode, where I am not motivated, can easily wallow in self-pity, and am lamenting my "thorn in the flesh." I'm not feeling so good about myself either. So, what words of wisdom should I listen to at a time like this. Actually, this week's Sunday class lesson is applicable. Here King David, knowing the end is near, gave a charge to Solomon, summarized in "Be Strong" and "Observe what the Lord requires" (walk in His ways and keep His commands). "Be Strong" implies that there will always be difficulties in life that we need to face. So, here I am. As much as the LORD has blessed me, trials and challenges are a normal part of life. Fortunately, my strength comes from the LORD. Amen! "Observe what the Lord requires", that is, to walk in His ways and keep His commands. I just need to continue to be faithful. It's like running the race. I just have to keep going; and keep trying to do what He has commanded. While my physical body is ready to give up, my spirit must be strong and keep going.

Road to Hope

It was interesting that Sunday's message reiterated that we are "overcomers" through Christ, just as I learned the last few weeks in "climbing the mountain". This series that my pastor is going through on hope, reminds us that our past is forgiven, God maps the details of our present, and He guarantees our future. Our hope is anchored by Christ's resurrection and His expected Return. Based on the passage in 1 Thessalonians 1:4-10, we have hope because we know that God loves us, that He has given us the Spirit to fulfill His purposes through our lives, and we look forward to glory. Our stories in heaven won't be how easy life was on earth; but, how God enabled us to overcome. ("Before every message comes the mess") He closed the message with a variation on The Road to Success Is Not Straight poem which went something like this:

The road to hope is not straight. There is a curve called Failure A loop called confusion, speed bumps called Trials, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Suffering. But, if I have a tank full of Love, a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, my GPS fixed on the Second Coming, A driver called Jesus, I will make it to a place called Heaven filled with Hope!

Taken Deep Breaths

I've taken some deep breaths, soaked in the sites from the mountain top; and now, I'm ready to head down the mountain and face what life will throw me next. I am grateful that God has helped me through this "climb" and taught me some things in the process. It's a good feeling to know that I was able to overcome the challenges and still stay balanced. While it may be "downhill" from here, at this time, I am by no means just coasting down. There are still responsibilities. There are still little things that need to be taken care of. There is still a "to do" list that needs to be tackled. But, these are just part of normal life: leading Bible Studies, taking care of my health, being a friend, working, etc. I've also thought a lot about stewardship in the midst of these difficult economic times. I feel like I have a good and wise plan laid out now; and I do hope that I will be a good and faithful servant with all that God has placed into my care. Amen.

Opportunity

I just listened to a Josh Groban interview and was struck by some of the things that he said. He mentioned that his sky-rocket to fame was a situation of "opportunity meets preparation". And that his ability to continue to grow in his career is to never rest on the security blanket of past success, but to put himself in positions where he is open to fail. In many ways, I have found what he said to be true in my Christian life as well. I'm reminded of the passage where we are encouraged to be ready in season and out of season to give a defense of the hope that we have within us. That's the same as being prepared, so that when the opportunity arises, even if we are not expecting it, we will be ready. And, the "God is Able" theme is similar to being willing to take risks, actually wise risks. As previously quoted, we need to be willing to attempt something so big that it is destined to fail if God is not in it. I do pray that I will be ready to be used of God when the opportunity arises; and that I will continue to dream God's dreams.

"Edu-tainment"

Today, I realized that I need to consciously make the effort to resist the urge to "edu-tain" (education + entertainment). In our high-tech media society today, we are so used to gaining information through entertainment; and the traditional methods of education appear to be less interesting, and dare I say "boring" even. However, while I recognize the importance of making learning interesting and relevant; I also see the value of the written word and the ability to think critically. In our entertainment society, because information is so easily obtained through graphics and films, less and less people spend the time reading. Also, there is the danger that many people just accept the stream of information fed them, often without questioning and thinking critically about it. More importantly, God has chosen to mainly reveal Himself to us through Scripture. So, while we are living in a media-soaked culture; we must still remember the vital importance of the study of His written Word. His Word is "living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword"; and His Spirit is at work to reveal and help us understand. So, as I prepare for lessons, I must stop wondering if inductive Bible Study is "interesting" enough; but, trust that God is at work through the Holy Spirit to bring His Word to life. I will place into God's Hands to do what He wills through the study; and trust that He will use the lesson to touch lives. I will do what I can to let the Spirit guide me as I prepare, to ask the right questions, and to try to apply it to our lives; but, I leave the rest to HIM. Amen.

View from the Mountain Top

I feel like I've hiked up to the mountain peak, and I can finally catch my breath. But more than that, I can actually look around and appreciate the beautiful view from the mountain top. All the hard work of preparing and climbing helps me to appreciate this moment even more--to be able to stop and remember my Creator and the beauty of His creation. We all need times like this; when we've worked hard to get to the mountain top, to stop and thank God for His guidance, strength, and provision; and to look around and enjoy life as a gift from God. I would be missing out, if once I reached the top, I would just immediately turn around and start back down to look for my next mountain to climb. With all the demands of life around us, it would be easy to get into that mode; but, I know the importance of being able to take a breath and stop. To get here, I've provided hospitality to all my guests, pulled together my income taxes, washed my car, prepared for Bible Studies, ran the projector, etc. There are still a few things left, like car maintenance (e.g. oil change), jury duty, etc. But, I feel like I can just get back to the routine of life and face them as normal responsibilities. But, right now, I'm going to try to prolong this moment, to take many deep breaths, and to enjoy the view.

King Solomon

I'm starting a new Bible Study series in my Sunday School class on King Solomon, using the 1 Kings 1-11 text. It will be interesting to have this great king of Israel "come to life", as we learn about who he is and how he lived and reigned. It may help us to better understand where he was at in his life as he wrote Song of Songs, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes. As I start the series, I am struck by the glimpse into his background and family life in the first chapter. While David was a great king and a man after God's own heart, he was not such a great role model in the home. Having many wives and concubines was a bad example to his sons, and we see that Solomon ended up following in the footsteps of his father. We also see the resulting political struggles, with Adonijah trying to become king, taking advantage of King David's illness in old age; in a similar manner as Absalom's earlier failed attempt. He purposely left Solomon out, along with all the others who supported Solomon as God's choice for the next king. Adonijah would've killed Solomon and his mother Bathsheba, if he had been successful in claiming the throne. In this passage, we are reminded of all the dysfunction in this family: Adonijah likely being the eldest son still alive, because of the death of Amnon after the rape of Tamar, the death of Absalom, David's adultery with Bathsheba, etc. Verse 6 even says that David never stepped in to question the actions of Adonijah. I do wonder how much of an effect David's neglect as a father had upon Solomon. For one, it did hurt his family relationships and put his life in danger. However, it is reassuring to see that God is ultimately in control; and that he truly is the one who establishes authority. He has a Plan, and He worked it out throughout Solomon's life.

Rest for the Weary

"Come unto Me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) REST - that's exactly what I feel like I need right now. Just the thought of sitting at Christ's feet, and finding renewal in HIS Presence fills me with peace and joy. These past few weeks have been busy ones. There is still much to do; but, I feel like the juggling and balancing is becoming more manageable. I think the busiest time has passed. I took care of property taxes and insurance. My friends who stayed for two weeks have moved onto the next place. The visit with my other missionary friend was actually very pleasant and interesting; and so, was the time spent with the people from my class on Sunday. It is interesting to see that with the friend who is staying with me now, she actually provides encouragement and "fills my tanks"; because, we know and can relate to each other so well. It is just comfortable to have her here, and it does not feel like any extra work. It is good to know that it isn't that I have become too introverted, but, that it depends on the person that I spend time with. There are those who encourage and fill me with joy to spend time with; and there are others who just take away time and energy. This is why it is important to choose our friends wisely. And, I would just need to know to prepare myself when energy is required in providing help to those who need it; but, also to recognize what my limits are. That is the wisdom of balance.

Juggling Balancing Act

I kind of feel like I'm riding a unicycle, balancing spinning plates on a pole from the tip of my nose, and juggling pins, all at the same time. I'm just waiting for the fire ring hoop that I'll need to jump through..... It's been crazy. I have guests staying with me, work is busy, I have another friend coming to visit this week, and yet another friend that will be staying with me next weekend. Last Sunday, we had a class brainstorming luncheon on new ministry roles in the group. And, I have people from class coming over after Church this Sunday. For an introvert, that's a LOT of social interaction. But that's not all. I've had Thursday night community group and Sunday class to prepare for and lead. I have to run the projector during Worship the next two Sundays. I've had to deal with Property Taxes and Insurance; and I still haven't gotten around to getting ready for Income Taxes. On top of all that, I've been called to Jury Duty. So, at times like these, what's the best response and attitude? For one, I need to remember not to be anxious. I will trust that God has a plan for all this happening at the same time; and that I can learn, stretch, and grow through this experience. Also, I can foster an attitude of Thanksgiving. I am grateful for being busy at work during these tough economic times. I am thankful that I have friends who want to spend time with me and to see me. I feel privileged that I am able to offer my home as a place to stay. I am amazed that God can use me in serving Him through leading Bible Studies. Maybe I've been getting too comfortable in having so much independence and freedom; and that, it is good to experience interaction and living with others again. In some ways, I think that maybe my negative experiences the last two years has unfortunately made me more wary about pouring my heart and life into helping others; and that I am cautious about being hurt and taken advantage of again. I suppose I just need to learn the balance of wisdom and compassion. Nevertheless, I am really glad that God is in control and that I feel like I am doing what He wants me to be doing. I hope He is continuing His work in my life. I am also grateful that He has given me the ability to juggle and balance, and that I have not yet dropped it all or fallen down.