I keep looking for closure. While it gets better over time, full closure is slow in coming. Does one ever truly get over a broken friendship?
It's like the broken friendship bracelet... it may be able to be tied back together; but, it will never be like it was before; especially if a bead or two become lost in the process.
I look back, and I don't really miss any part of the friendship. It was full of drama, it drained me of energy and resources, it was all one-sided, and I was the one who was constantly giving. Even the Cosmopolitan magazine article "Signs You Need to Dump a Pal" reinforce that it was no true "friendship". Similar to what is mentioned in the article, she is negative, constantly complaining about everything in her life; she would spend money on things rather than trying to save for what is necessary and never thinks to "give back" to those who have helped her; she is self-absorbed, never really cares about what is going on in other people's lives; never really wants to listen to differing opinions; she is jealous, rather than supportive of the successes of others; she is not someone you can trust, especially with personal information; and she has a long string of other broken "friendships." Even Scripturally, I have support that there are times when it is wisest to let go, when a relationship is too unhealthy. I hold nothing against her, I will always be available to help if she is ever in real need; and if she ever shows that she has truly changed, I would be willing to renew the friendship. But, until then, I need to be a good steward of all that God has given to me; and pouring it into a black hole is not the best use of the resources placed under my stewardship.
The part that I have difficulty dealing with is rebuilding my trust in people and renewing my desire to help others. I entered this friendship with the desire to help a person that I thought was in need. I did everything I could to alleviate the difficulties in her life that she had been complaining about. I was there to provide a listening ear, to try to encourage and be supportive, to provide a nice place for her to live that was within her budget, and to be there for her.
I look back, and I see how much I sacrificed - my time, my energy, my resources, my finances, myself..... I think that the worst part of it all, is that I feel like it was all "wasted." She shows no appreciation or recognition for any of it. I can only trust that I was being obedient to the LORD, that my heart was in the right place, and that God works in ways that I am not able to see.
I have another broken friendship; but, that one is a little different. I still have a glimmer of hope that it may one day be restored. Also, I don't feel like that one was a total "waste." Even at the "end," she expressed appreciation; and over the years, she seemed to have noticed and recognized. While I think actions speak louder than words, and that she seems to have thrown all that away, I do think that she is struggling with other areas of her life. So, I keep praying for her; and hoping that one day she may recognize that having friends support you through difficult times is better than trying to endure it all alone.
Through all of this, I just hope that I have grown through these experiences; that I have learned how to better be able to interact with those who are troubled. I don't think I've become hardened; and I am fortunate enough to have many healthy relationships that I know I can still trust. "Helps" is also still one of spiritual gifts; and I recognize the importance of still exercising that gift for the edification of the Body of Christ, the Church.
Actually, in some ways, I can say that I am grateful for these trials. I have become a different person through them; and I have seen God work in ways that I had not previously experienced. Even the fact that I feel hurt and pain shows that I care; and love and compassion are a reflection of HIS characteristics. I know that trials are a part of life, while we are here in this fallen sinful world; and I am grateful that God is in control and that He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love HIM and are called according to His purpose."
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Broken Friendship
I keep looking for closure. While it gets better over time, full closure is slow in coming. Does one ever truly get over a broken friendship?
It's like the broken friendship bracelet... it may be able to be tied back together; but, it will never be like it was before; especially if a bead or two become lost in the process.
I look back, and I don't really miss any part of the friendship. It was full of drama, it drained me of energy and resources, it was all one-sided, and I was the one who was constantly giving. Even the Cosmopolitan magazine article "Signs You Need to Dump a Pal" reinforce that it was no true "friendship". Similar to what is mentioned in the article, she is negative, constantly complaining about everything in her life; she would spend money on things rather than trying to save for what is necessary and never thinks to "give back" to those who have helped her; she is self-absorbed, never really cares about what is going on in other people's lives; never really wants to listen to differing opinions; she is jealous, rather than supportive of the successes of others; she is not someone you can trust, especially with personal information; and she has a long string of other broken "friendships." Even Scripturally, I have support that there are times when it is wisest to let go, when a relationship is too unhealthy. I hold nothing against her, I will always be available to help if she is ever in real need; and if she ever shows that she has truly changed, I would be willing to renew the friendship. But, until then, I need to be a good steward of all that God has given to me; and pouring it into a black hole is not the best use of the resources placed under my stewardship.
The part that I have difficulty dealing with is rebuilding my trust in people and renewing my desire to help others. I entered this friendship with the desire to help a person that I thought was in need. I did everything I could to alleviate the difficulties in her life that she had been complaining about. I was there to provide a listening ear, to try to encourage and be supportive, to provide a nice place for her to live that was within her budget, and to be there for her.
I look back, and I see how much I sacrificed - my time, my energy, my resources, my finances, myself..... I think that the worst part of it all, is that I feel like it was all "wasted." She shows no appreciation or recognition for any of it. I can only trust that I was being obedient to the LORD, that my heart was in the right place, and that God works in ways that I am not able to see.
I have another broken friendship; but, that one is a little different. I still have a glimmer of hope that it may one day be restored. Also, I don't feel like that one was a total "waste." Even at the "end," she expressed appreciation; and over the years, she seemed to have noticed and recognized. While I think actions speak louder than words, and that she seems to have thrown all that away, I do think that she is struggling with other areas of her life. So, I keep praying for her; and hoping that one day she may recognize that having friends support you through difficult times is better than trying to endure it all alone.
Through all of this, I just hope that I have grown through these experiences; that I have learned how to better be able to interact with those who are troubled. I don't think I've become hardened; and I am fortunate enough to have many healthy relationships that I know I can still trust. "Helps" is also still one of spiritual gifts; and I recognize the importance of still exercising that gift for the edification of the Body of Christ, the Church.
Actually, in some ways, I can say that I am grateful for these trials. I have become a different person through them; and I have seen God work in ways that I had not previously experienced. Even the fact that I feel hurt and pain shows that I care; and love and compassion are a reflection of HIS characteristics. I know that trials are a part of life, while we are here in this fallen sinful world; and I am grateful that God is in control and that He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love HIM and are called according to His purpose."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment