23-Feb: It is interesting that a realization came to me today. While I have felt that part of the reason that I am in my current circumstances is because I went along with expectations to become part of CCF. Yet, when I thought of what really contributed to my being able to teach class at this time of my life, I attribute it mostly to what I learned and the experience I gained while serving as a Bible Study leader in CCF. So, again, it enforces that God's Hand is in this, though it is my thorn.
5-May: I learned that my thorn actually makes me vulnerable and susceptible to particular circumstances that I have to work extra hard to guard my heart and not let emotions cloud my eyes. When I recently went thru disappointment again, I had to ponder why. What I came up with is that I am now more aware of my "weaknesses". But, I was also once again reassured that God continues to be with me, even with my thorn. I was able to see first-hand what it looked like to get to know and interact with someone who has many of the qualities that I've been looking for - leadership, respect, communication, attention to and care for details, etc. Also, being able to lead a study of the Bible and a discussion of our beliefs intelligently are very attractive qualities. So, I was reminded that I really need to wait for these all important qualities and not to settle for anyone who does not have them. Though it turns out that this person was not available and is not the right person for me, yet it was encouraging that he told me that I was not only smart but attractive, and paid me several compliments, showing that he was able to recognize the "treasure" in me. I am disappointed; but, I still trust in the LORD for His Plan. It's nice to know that I was able to connect with someone I respect and like.
30-May: In my small group study, we had a lesson using 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 on the Thorn as one of the main passages. A thought came to me during the study on Adversity, that those who have gone through the same adversity are in turn better able to comfort others; which reminded me that Christ is actually able to fully understand what I am going through with my thorn.
22-Jun: God gave me encouragement at a time when I was feeling the pain of my thorn. Just yesterday, one person from my class said that he's had conversations with others where my name would come up and people would say that they cannot believe that I'm still not married because I have so much to offer. I also had a chance to meet his son. It's nice to know that there are some nice single Christian guys out there. Today, the mom of the person I had went on a blind date with actually stopped to ask me to pray for her son, that he will be led to the position of ministry that God calls him to. It is good that I've been able to process through the blind date experience fully and am happy to be able to be praying for him. But, it is interesting that him mom asked me to pray for him. Then the widow of a pastor from my previous church actually came into my class today and asked if it was okay to bring a single guy that she knows to my class. It's nice that there are people who would like to introduce me to others.
4-Jul: I read an article today that talked about our "single identity baggage". It's true that as we grow older, we accumulate more and more "bags". We carry these bags around and hope that whoever we marry will like what's in our bags, and that we look at whether they have as many "bags" as us. Another analogy used is being in an auction. There are some who think they have more to "bid"; yet, end up single b/c they never try to bid. The article concluded with a reminder not to rely too much on our "baggage" because our identity really should just be in Christ.
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