Encouragement

I received encouragement this morning when one of the people in my class said that during devotions, Hebrews 6:10 brought me to mind:
"God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them."

This verse happens to also be hanging on my wall, and was actually a gift from my class.

The Singlehood Phenomenon

I didn't think I would be picking up yet another book on singleness to read; let alone buying one.  I have read so many in the past and have a shelf full of them.  But, I came across "The Singlehood Phenomenon" by Drs Beverly and Tom Rodgers, and their ten reasons for the current existing singlehood phenomenon seemed interesting, plausible, and relevant.

#1 - Skepticism About Love and Marriage  "I'd rather be alone than in a bad marriage" - yes, I've said that and I still think that; but, after reading the chapter, I think that over the years, I've been able to gain proper perspective and balance.  I have at some point in my life gone through some of the fears mentioned (e.g. making a mistake, relational insecurity, etc) and even used the defense of "reaction formation" occasionally.  I can also relate to the story in the chapter.  But then, I do recognize that I still hold to a hope of being married one day.

#2 - Lack of Faith in God's Provision "I'm not sure if I have a soul mate" - I don't really have a problem with this one in that I can dissociate disappointment of those around me from God's provision.  In fact, I have clearly learned that it is God Who is the only one who is perfect and will never fail me.   He is the One I look upon when I am disappointed by others here on earth.  I also do have a realistic view of "soul mates" and don't consider that an obstacle.  However, in some ways, I did relate to the story in the chapter, and I have had to work harder to be independent and successful in my male-dominated profession.  I do have some "disappointments" that may color my views.

#3 - Unresolved Issues from the Past "I always seem to attract unhealthy people" - This chapter focused on family history, soul wounds, and childhood hurts.  It was interesting to think about the stages of social development:  1) Attachment (birth-18mnths), 2) Exploration (18mnth-3yrs), 3)  Identity (3-4yrs), 4) Competence (4-7yrs), 5) Social Concern (7-12yrs), 6) Intimacy (13-19yrs).  I think I have addressed these areas in my life; and I don't think I've had unhealthy relationships.  However, maybe if I evaluate further, I may be able to improve my social skills

#4 - Confusion about the Rules "I don't even know how to date" - I liked the term "intentional dating", which is between casual dating and courtship.  This chapter shows me that it is important to avoid unclear intentions.

#5 - A Poor Understanding of the Purpose of Marriage "I think being single may be an easier way to live" - I see this as being similar to #1.  Despite society's negative view and redefinitions of marriage, I understand God's design for it; and I know that the world's ways are often not the same as God's.

#6 - Fear of Getting Hurt "I don't want to be hurt again" - This chapter seems to combine some of the ideas from previous chapters, such as dealing with fears, family history, etc.   I haven't had any really bad relationships, so I don't have a fear so much of being hurt.  I do think that with the right person, it is worth the risk.

#7 - Wanting the Perfect Mate "I'm not a perfectionist; I'm just picky" - There may be people who likely think that this one applies to me.  I will admit to having high standards; but, they are in areas I consider Scriptural - godliness, love-respect, etc.  I don't feel that I relate to the story in the chapter; though, I found the discussion of hormones and chemistry interesting.   And, the "four-year itch" may have played a factor in my experiences as well.

#8 Not Dealing with Prior Heartbreak "I don't want to feel the pain" - In many ways, this can be related to #3 and #6.   However, the story dealt particularly with those who have been divorced; and it actually describes well what I see in L. and her never having dealt directly with nor healed from her divorce.

#9 An Unbalanced Focus on Career "I want to be established before I get married" - I'm glad the chapter talks about the healthy focus on career, because being "established" is not a bad thing, considering that finances is one of the major areas of issues in a marriage.   I don't have an unbalanced focus; and I'm only where I am now because the alternative has not presented itself.

#10 Concern That the Marriage will Fail "I don't want to get divorced" - This may be the best chapter in terms of information provided.  It was interesting that the list of issues couples typically fight about are:  money, sex, roles, child rearing, in-laws, religion, and jealousy.  It's good to know that these are things that need to be resolved or avoided.  I also like the list of characteristics that can be used as predictors of divorce:  Criticism, Stonewalling, Defensiveness, and Contempt.   Definitely characteristics to watch for and avoid.  Then, on the flip side, characteristics that can be used as predictors of marital success:  Repair Attempts, Accepting Influence, Soft Versus Hard Start-Up, and More Positive Than Negative Comments - Good things to keep in mind and develop.  The keys to marital success they listed were:

• Practice healthy mate selection and seek God for His choice for you
• Learn all that you can about developing the skills of a healthy marriage
• Keep the Lord the center of your union
• Sign up for keeps.  Do not consider divorce as an option.
• Commit to being a soul healer in your marriage

What I liked most about the chapter was that they said that they found that what was found in many research as needed for marital success was actually already in Scripture, particularly the Book of Proverbs.   It is so true, that the best "marriage guidebook" is the Bible.

Overall, rather than 10 reasons for the Singlehood Phenomenon, I think it could have been consolidated into maybe 3:

1. Unsound Perspective of Marriage  (would include not understanding God's Design, influence of society, lack of Biblical foundation, etc)
2. Unresolved Issues (would include Fears, "Soul Wounds", Social Development, Family History, Past Relationships, Divorce, etc)
3. Unbalanced Priorities (would include looking for "perfection" or "chemistry" only, focus on career, lack of intentional dating, etc)

I believe that over the years, I have developed a Biblical perspective of Marriage, that I have worked on issues and fears, and am fairly well-balanced.   What this book is beneficial in doing, is to confirm what I have learned; and also to give me additional thoughts to ponder about other possible areas that I can adjust and work on.

Weekend Thoughts

It was another one of those full but blessed weekends....

Friday, I went to the Fish WNO.   Jonny Diaz opened.   He had a good sense of humor and his songs were fun to listen to.   His hit "A More Beautiful You" was the start of the thread of messages that God seemed to be giving me.

Then Selah sang.   I've always enjoyed their music.  Amy Perry also shared a message on what she had learned through her insecurities throughout her life.  It was powerfully touching; and when she sang afterwards, it was like crying out to God.    Beautifully touching!

On Sunday, I went to the Steven Curtis Chapman "The Glorious Unfolding" concert.   He started with "Good to Be Alive".  Jason Gray opened.  He also shared about his stuttering.  Then Laura Story sang.   I've always enjoyed her singing.  She is a good worship leader; and her songs are moving.  It's nice that Steven actually kicked off the concert and took the time to introduce and sing with each of the "opening" artists.

Of course, Steven's music is great.  His longevity in Christian music is amazing.   It was also his anniversary, and he sang the song on his latest album that he wrote for his wife - "Together".   He also sang "I Will Be Here".    But, the song that fit in with the thread of messages from God was the song he had written for his now teenage daughter Shaohannah, "Only One and Only You".   What beautiful lyrics in the chorus:
"There’s no other masterpiece like you
You are the only one and only you"

This thread of messages is so clear that I cannot help but acknowledge that this must be God's response to my prayers.  He is speaking to me, and I should listen though I may often have doubts about this particular message, due to my inbred insecurities.

Centered Leadership

At work today, there was a webinar on "How Centered Leaders Achieve Extraordinary Results" presented by Lareina Yee (McKinsey Centered Leadership Project).   She started with the picture of the iceberg; where the visible part represented our Behaviors, which can be seen.  But, our Behaviors are affected by the parts which cannot be seen, namely: 1) thoughts and feelings, 2) beliefs and values, and 3) needs and fears.

Leaders that can in turn "inspire, engage, and mobilize others" meet certain preconditions - desire to lead, talent & knowledge, and capacity for change.  Then, the 5 capabilities of "centered leadership" are:

inspire, engage, and mobilize others

inspire, engage, and mobilize otheThen, the 5 capabilities of "centered leadership" include:

• Framing - self-awareness and perspective
• Connecting - networking with others, building trust, working in teams (not going it alone)
• Engaging - ownership and being willing to take risks and action
• Energizing - sustaining practices and recovery (like weekends to prepare for the week)
• Meaning - purpose, core strengths (playing to our strengths)

This was a really good talk, with some very practical perspectives to take into consideration when leading.  From a personal viewpoint, I find that it is important to link each of the 5 capabilities to God.  For example, in Framing, I need to include the eternal perspective; in Connecting, to include God in all things; in Engaging, to take action based on faith; in Energizing, to find rest in HIM, and in Meaning, to use what God has given me and to be purposeful in all things.

Luke 22 & 23 & 24

It was Passover, and Jesus was to be the once-for-all Passover lamb.   What a deeply emotional and poignant time this must have been.   One of the Twelve, Judas Iscariot gives opportunity to Satan to enter his heart to betray Jesus who he has spent the last three years closely with.   Even at the Last Supper, after the disciples were discussing who was the betrayer that Jesus revealed was one of them, the disciples started disputing about who was the greatest.   And Jesus had to remind them that they needed to be servant leaders; and He was their ultimate example.

Jesus took the bread and the cup and gave them to His disciples, telling them to "do this in remembrance of Me."  So, that each time we eat of the bread and drink of the wine, we will remember that His body was given and His blood was shed for our sins.   The shedding of His blood sealed the new covenant - the forgiveness of our sins through faith in Jesus Christ; because no one was able to keep the old covenant based on the Law.

 Jesus warned Simon Peter of the testing that would come; but also encouraged him that He has prayed that his faith would not fail and afterwards, he will use what he has learned to strengthen others.  Jesus said "when" you have turned back to me, not "if" you turn back to me.  This is assurance that He will overcome.  Jesus also warned the disciples to be prepared for the coming challenges after He fulfills prophecy on the cross.

Then in agony, Jesus prayed in Gethsemane at the Mt of Olives, as the disciples slept when they should've also been praying. There, Judas led an armed group of chief priests, temple guards, and elders to Jesus.  It must have been such a poignant moment when Jesus asked, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"  It is now close to the final moments, the "hour, when darkness reigns."

13-Oct:  We see how Peter learned from his trials and was able to "strengthen others" through his leadership in Acts and his writings in 1 & 2 Peter.  While Satan may have thought that nothing would be left after the sifting, Jesus knew that through it, the "wheat would be separated from the chaff", and Peter would come out "refined" like through fire.

16-Oct:  "When darkness reigns" summarizes what happens in the rest of the passage:

• Peter, one of Christ's closest disciples, fails the testing from Satan and denies Christ three times as predicted.   While he wept bitterly in sorrow and repentance here, we must remember that Christ reinstates him during one of His post-resurrection appearances, and Peter later goes on to become a great leader of the Early Church and encourages others (e.g. through 1 & 2 Peter).
• Guards mock and beat Jesus - how painful to read this passage and see that Jesus, who is God and has all power, willingly suffered through this
• The Religious leaders in the Sanhedrin blinded to the Truth condemn Jesus of blasphemy, when He was only speaking the truth, for He is the Messiah and Son of God

This is what happens when the prince of darkness reigns - there is violence and truth is suppressed; and even believers can be tempted to fall.  So, we are reminded that earlier in the passage, it is important to be in PRAYER.

23-Oct:  Darkness continued to reign as Jesus was sent to the Roman Governor Pilate.   The Jewish religious leaders brought false charges and kept insisting on the accusations despite both Pilate and Herod not finding any basis for the charges against Jesus.   And even though Christ was innocent, He was subjected to unjust insults, mocking, and scourging.   The religious leaders and the crowd even asked for the release of the rebel and murderer Barabbas instead of Jesus for the customary release of a prisoner during Passover.   They asked that Jesus be crucified, the worst form of punishment for criminals; and Pilate "surrendered Jesus to their will." 

Words are not adequate to describe the horrific injustice that Jesus willingly suffered for our sake.  I have no words.....

25-Oct:  Not only did the religious leaders, Pilate, and Herod bring about the worst injustice in human history, they also lost out on an amazing opportunity.   They were face to face with the creator of the universe and could have asked Him anything in the world.   Instead, they mocked and scourged Him and condemned Him to die on the cross.  What a travesty....

30-Oct:  As Jesus was suffering and facing excruciating death on the cross, He still showed His love and mercy to the women weeping, the criminal who believed, and even through asking forgiveness to all those who "do not know what they are doing."  Of all the reactions we see from the women, the crowd, the soldiers, the rulers, Pilate, the centurion, His followers, I wonder what my reaction would've been had I been there at that time.   Looking back, with what I know now, I would've wanted to be like Simon the Cyrene to help bear the cross or the centurion who glorified God.  I am grateful that Christ bore my sins and opened up direct access to the Father through Him our High Priest.

A question did arise related to Christ's prayer "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing".   What did this forgiveness entail?  Were they/we no longer accountable for what was done?    There are many angles to view this from:

• For one, there is the positional vs relational forgiveness aspect.   That Jesus forgives what they/we did against Him and does not harbor bitter resentment, just as He taught His disciples.   Yet, it says nothing about positional forgiveness that comes when we are saved by faith and receive full atonement and justification.   
• Also, just because we don't know what we are doing does not make us unaccountable for the consequences nor does it take away the guilt.   That only happens through confession and repentance and faith in Christ.
• Then, it is interesting that it was a somewhat "open-ended" prayer, in that he did not specify who "they" were nor what it is they had done.  In that respect, it can apply also to us; for we were also responsible for Him having to die on the cross, for we have all sinned and deserve death.  And, there are times when we did not fully understand or know when we did sin.  So, in that respect, this is an example of Christ's intercession for us.

6-Nov:  Even Jesus being buried in the tomb by Joseph of Arimathea, a rich man, was a fulfillment of prophecy (Isaiah 53:9).   The women were the first to learn that Jesus has Risen, because they came to the tomb early Sunday morning as soon as they could after the Sabbath.   They found the stone rolled away from the tomb and the body not there.  Angels told them that He has Risen and was living.   The initial response of the disciples was not believing the women; and Peter (and John) ran to the tomb to see with their own eyes.

This passage shows us that remember His Word and observing the evidence can help us to see the Truth; and the Resurrection is a truth that is a foundational pillar of the Christian faith.  Evidence from this passage counters many of the myths that were meant to discredit the validity of this event.  It is seen that the women knew exactly where the tomb was (and would not have gone to the wrong one), that there were many different eyewitnesses at different times, that Christians began meeting on Sunday instead of the normal Sabbath, etc.

13-Nov:   On the road to Emmaus, Jesus appeared to Cleopas and another follower.  The two men were initially downcast, had lost hope that Jesus was their Messiah and Redeemer, and were slow to believe the women's testimony and the prophecies.  Yet, Jesus brought them to the realization that "the Messiah [had] to suffer these things and then enter His glory"; and then explained to them from Scripture.  When their "eyes were opened", they then became excited and joyful witnesses of the Resurrection!

As Jesus was explaining Scripture to the two, they said their "hearts were burning".    It makes me wonder what exactly it means to have our hearts burning.... From my own experiences, there are times when I am filled with so much joy that I'm ready to burst; and I think this may be similar; that their hearts were so on fire for God as Scripture was revealed to them.  Also, Jesus didn't just reveal Himself to them right away.   He had them go through the process leading to their understanding of the Truth; and as soon as they recognized Him, He disappeared.   So, it shows that the Christ's main purpose in talking with them was to teach them through Scripture that He had to suffer and die; and then resurrect and ascend to glory.

And then, the specific mention of Jesus appearing to Peter shows the heart of Christ in the restoration of Peter after his failure in the denials.  The details of what they discussed was not recorded in Scripture; and this was prior to the restoration described in John, because by that time the disciples had returned to Galilee.  How special for Peter, that Christ made a point to appear to Him after the Resurrection.

12-Jan:  As the Apostles and followers of Jesus are gathered discussing the post-resurrection appearances; Jesus appears in their midst.  His greeting "Peace be with you"  is significant in several ways - "Peace" or Shalom is a common Jewish greeting and there is also a Greek equivalent; but, also, they may have needed to have peace in the midst of their fear after the crucifixion; but most importantly, now that Jesus has died on the cross for the sins of the world and has resurrected in victory over sin and death, they can now truly have Peace with God.  Jesus then provides evidence to them that He has truly resurrected, showing them the wounds in his hands and feet and even eating in their presence.  Then, He pointed them back to Scripture and ensured they understood some essential points:

• He, the Messiah, was to suffer and die; and has resurrected
• They are to preach the message of repentance and forgiveness of sins, because it is for our sins He had to die; "in His Name" because it is through Christ that we are forgiven; "to all nations" showing that God's Plan has always been proclaiming the gospel to the world
• They are to be His Witnesses; but, they had to wait for the Holy Spirit; for we can do nothing without the power of the Holy Spirit

Jesus then Ascended, and the Ascension signified that the Holy Spirit can be sent to us (which it was 10 days later at Pentecost); that we too may rise and enter glory as Christ did; and that this was the end of His coming to earth when He emptied Himself, but now returned to glory sitting at the right hand of the throne of God and interceding for us.

In response, the disciples worshipped, were obedient (went back to Jerusalem), were filled with joy, and praised God (boldly in the temple).